In the midst of reading the Book of Job. Here are some verses that I really like:
How forceful are right words!
But what does your arguing prove?
Do you intend to rebuke my words,
And the speeches of a desperate one,
which are as wind?
Yes, you overwhelm the fatherless,
And you undermine your friend.
Behold, happy is the man
whom God corrects;
Therefore do not despise the
chastening of the Almighty.
For He bruises, but He binds up;
He wounds, but His hands make whole
To be honest, not really feeling great right now… Feeling lost… but the more people “encourage” or should I say challenge, the more I feel like going the other direction… However, I must say that I am thankful that I have these bunch of friends… they are great people. It is just that I am going through some personal struggles… which I do not wish to elaborate.
I cannot say that I like the way I am now… However, I do not despise the state that I am in right now! Seriously… not that I am enjoying… it is just that it makes everything so real! Christianity is not really about church… it is about family, church, relationships and most importantly, GOD!
How wrong was I to think that church is my refuge. It certainly is, to a certain extent! However, I abused church and God, used it to escape from my unhappiness, my hurts and whatever that I think I cannot love!
Waging war with myself now… not exactly myself… just the other side of me… my flesh. When you are in darkness, you will not think that it is the devil… but rather, everything that happens, you will think that it is YOU and YOU alone! Haha… I really cannot deny the clever tactics of the devil. I tripped me… it bruised me and of course, it cause me to fail… However, one thing for sure… he has got to do infinite times much more than that to make me quit!
At the current moment, I am not sure if this is the CHURCH way… but I do really need time alone… time to know myself… time to learn… time to get back up from my fall… time to climb out from my hole… etc… which some of you may think are excuses. To me… that’s what I really need now… TIME! I do not wish to shun away from people I love in church… and I will try hard not to do that!
Everyday, I am just looking forward to the day where I can smile with no pretense. That is so precious… and it is certainly hard to wear a smile that does not belong to you… haha… But in all these, I am still hopeful and I am still thanking God.. every single day… How ironic can this be right? hahahaha… trying to find the good in all these bad! 🙂 The other thing I can do beside wallowing in my own misery is to find the little bits and pieces of love around me… waiting in faith that the mighty hand of God will be tangibly upon me soon.
Dear all the friends who love and care for me… I am doing great at work! In fact, I am enjoying every single bit of it. 🙂 If you wanna pray for me, pray that I will have wisdom change the things I can change, including changing myself, and to have the strength and patience to accept the things that I cannot change. A part of me love the me now and the other says that I have to be stronger than now, to be able to shine in my own family, as well as my spiritual family. Of course I know that I should go after the latter and that is why I am battling with myself.
I simply love to blog… never feel more relieved and peaceful… It just simply allows you to pour your soul and there is something true in the saying, “If you keep everything to yourself, it is bad for your health.” I find that blogging gives me something that is lacking in human communication, that is if I were to pour my heart out to a human. Blogging is slow to speak and quick to listen… Never hasty on suggestions… always here to let me give my inputs… no matter how sometimes I get too emotional, it is still there… unless of course there is a power failure! Haha. 🙂 Oh… blogging is great… but talking to God is much much more better! Haha… haha… not trying to undermine God in any ways! 🙂 He is the reason why I am going through… because I want to love Him more, to honor Him more… the reason why I am still in and not out! 🙂
So much for the “short” update on ME. Don’t be shock… don’t even think you know what I am going through… 🙂 let alone the comments or “encouragements.” If you must comment, let it be out of your heart. 🙂 oops… am I a little offensive? Hehe… Nah… I love you guys… =) just look at the number of smileys I put in this whole post, you can guess that I am not intending to be crude or offensive. 🙂 Haha… so long friends… and see ya again, Blog!