Life’s a journey, never a cruise…

Like what the title suggests, life is definitely not a cruise. Many a times, I have always wanted things to be smooth sailing or simply put, “If I do this and that, I must be able to get this outcome.” However, I do realise that having this kind of mentality can really be damaging to the heart and soul! Knowning that I have gone through the standard and necessary steps, which need to be taken, but ultimately, the kind of ending or results are not what I have expected it to be. Like what Sy Rogers had said, we like to be in control… to know that we are secure.

Like a child, I am grabbing on to my mum, not wanting to let her go, having fear of the things that might happen if I were to lose her. For me, now that I am almost 24 years old, I am no longer holding to my mum, neither my dad nor my siblings. Instead, what I am holding on right now is my comfort, my time, my career and most of all, my current happiness! Due to the fact that life is short and sometimes hard, I cannot see what is more important than having happiness; to enjoy the time you have, the company you are in, the career you are having now and to come home to a happier family. The fact that this is a “broken down” world makes life all the more scary. Nothing you do, even if it is right, may end up with the result you want. Life is unpredictable.

A friend once told me that all he wants in life is happiness. If everything is smooth sailing and if everything works according to his plans, he will be contented. After going through almost a quarter of a century, I know that if happiness is as described by him, I will be a bitter and unhappy man. Why? Becuase most of the time, things don’t really work out the way I would like them to be. To make matter worse, nothing is smooth sailing.

Having said so much, I began to ask myself what I really want in life. I want happiness. Happiness is a very general thing, which everyone wants. Then I asked myself, “What kind of happiness do you want then?” I pondered and began to search through the history of my life, the times when I was really happy and free. I realised that happiness is not that all complicated. Happiness is the simple act to appreciating everything that is around you. I knew it all along that I am happy whenever I am in His presence. This is ONE and ONLY thing I am not willing to lose. Next, family is the next thing I know I need… This is another thing that I have to accept. However, apart from these two, I was ready to let everything go! However, despite its commitments, I know that I have a group of people whom I do really cherish and love in church. Then I began to ask myself another question, “Do you think that you will be able to learn so much about God if you were to leave this church?” This question really made me think. I know that it is not in the worship, praise or even the jumping style City Harvest Church adopts. Rather, it is the presence that really draws me. The thick and tangible presence of God in this church created doors for me. I have a decision to open or to let the door be closed. It is not like it is an open door, where I do not even have to make a decision.

This is not a hard decision that I have to make. At the same time, it is not an easy decision for me to make. However, it is there and then that I realised that this is what happiness is all about. Forsaking all, I trust in Him. I can be happy if I don’t feel so insecure about my life, how people look at me, how much control and certainty I want in my life. I really like what Sy Rogers preached last friday. We cannot know how the ocean is like but we can certainly know a few facts about it. It is salty and wet. Similarly, I can’t really grasp what God is trying to do in my life; why He is letting me go through all these; why did He make me the way I am… but I do know that He is love and He is good. He will take responsibilities. I do not want to be a self-made Superman who will always undertake any given responsibilities. Rather, I want to be like Spiderman in Spiderman 2, doing all that he can within his means.

Love, this is a powerful word. I guess we are all created to love. We love our lives, our career, our boyfriends, our girlfriends, our spouse… etc. Ultimately, I believe that we are all searching for this one true love. Alot of times, when I read the following verse, I will think of why do I need to do all these… How can I be so perfect…

1 Cor 13:4-8

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.
(from New International Version)

How can I be what the verses want me to be? There will always be this human side of me. Everytime when I look at it, it stirs me up and at the same time, it discouraged me… talk about the Word being a double-edged sword. However, during cellgroup last week, my first in a month plus of absence, God told me that He wanted me to see it in another perspective… He wanted me know that He was not asking me to be all those but He wants me know that He is all those! He reminded me of the following verse:

1 John 4:16

16 God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.
(from New International Version)

Therefore, I began to put God in the following verse… and faith began to arise within me.

1 Cor 13:4-8 (What God wants me to see)

4 God is patient, God is kind. God does not envy, God does not boast, God is not proud.
5 God is not rude, God is not self-seeking, God is not easily angered, God keeps no record of wrongs.
6 God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 God never fails.
(from New International Version)


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