I HATE YOU!
I can’t believe that these three words are coming out from my mouth… Especially to someone who is SO close to me… someone who was always there when I was down; someone who shared my joy together with me! We laughed together, cried together, man… we even dream together!
During our happier days, before I met Someone better, we would always go about our daily activities without even stopping to think about others! It had always been US! We really enjoyed what we did together. Whatever we wanted, we would just go ahead and do it! Which ever girl we laid our eyes on, we would discuss strategies on how we could get hold of a place in her heart! We had our fun! We really did! If you were to ask me, I would say that he was my Best-est Friend! My laughing partner, a buddy and a forever obliging shopping companion!
But of late, we have been quarrelling frequently… We just can’t seem to see eye to eye on ALOT of matters! This is really frustrating! I hate the fact that someone whom I grew up with can no longer understand me! He can no longer anticipate what I want to do next. In fact, he has always been asking me to accommodate him! I really had enough! He and his nonsense, his stupid excuses! He really has thousand and one ways of justifying his wants! What about my wants? Don’t I have a life? As you can see, things are not running smoothly in this relationship. Waves are starting to turn into tsunamis… Rain drops are transforming into hailstorms… even the walls are falling apart!
You may think that we can compromise but we tried that… Ever heard of “Been there, done that, bought a T-shirt, taken a photograph!” It is just not going to work. It is either him or me! I don’t think we can co-exist! If I want my kind of life then he is not going to be in the picture! We are mutually exclusive! Gone are the days where we enjoyed each other’s company. My grip on our “funs” of the past is loosening… Someone is pulling me away from him. Someone I cannot resist. Someone who loves me more than him! Someone who is even willing to sacrifice for me… I hope I am not been heartless. I believe that there must come a time when we must part.
As I am writing this, he is here… looking at it while I am typing. How awkward and weird can that be? Tears start to form in his eyes… and I can see that he is agitated. However, I am surprised that I am nonchalant! This is the first time I am feeling so unconcerned about wanting to let go of a relationship that had so many memories! I used to wail when a girl whom my heart wants to be with, thinks that we should not be together anymore because I am too quiet for her. I really hated those moments… I could have filled numerous of buckets with my tears! Who says that man does not cry? We do! In our own private world, we will cry and shout! We will bang the walls of our castle! We will even chop of the trees in our garden!! I admit that sometimes, we even sob like babies! That is who we are… M-A-N!
This time round, it is so different. Everything is so serene! Instead, I am looking forward to the days without him, my long time sidekick; a childhood friend. This is one relationship which I think is long overdue. Moulds are starting to form and a stench can be smelled miles away! You may think that I will regret! You may think that I am losing someone who knows me best, someone who knows exactly what I always want! On that, I can safely beseech you to trust in my judgments! Yes… for once, I am really confident that the absent of him will indeed make my life a heaven on earth! No more screams down my ear drum! No more pulling of my hair! I don’t to be a tag-along anymore! Now, I can wander on the path that is already in front of me… one that was mapped out for me even before I make this decision to go down that path! You may think that I will be lonely without! Ha! That is one thing that did not cross my mind!
I am free now! Walking down this path where in front of me lays beautiful flowers, trees that are gigantic and a light that is shining so brightly at the end of the road. Now is the time, I am letting his hand off me completely. I am not sorry for doing that. I love him too much to want to hang on to him! He got to go now. We are not two and not one. It is official! Goodbye my flesh! We did have our “fun” but my definition for fun has really changed! You are no longer the source of my joy… Please respect my decision and stop clinging on to me… Let me build my new world with my Savior, One who cares about how I feel and One who truly understands me! Don’t worry. I am in good hands. Just to assure you, the devil is going to be His footstool soon, so just cheer up and release me for my good! I am running without you anymore! Goodbye…