Category: Old Posts (Blogger)

The first few days of the new year have been sweet! I even chanced upon my sister’s blog. I never knew that she has one! I never even thought that she would start one! Ha! How wrong was I!? As I was reading her blog, I was deeply sadden to see how much she is suffering in her relationship. I posted some comments to encourage her and I really understand how she feels.

Like her, I guess we are both extremely emotional creatures. I understand that everyone has emotions. Ours, however, are abit more intense and hard to shake off. If it goes to the extreme, we will even become very insecure and negatives thoughts will eventually enter our minds. I have always wonder why I am so emotional… Why can’t I be like some others, who do not have to go through these emotional turmoils. Some people tend to take things so easily. Yes, you may say that they are positive and all. I am too! =) In fact, I have been exercising that too! However, emotions are still there to bother me! I chose to ignore it but the thoughts kept barraging! I remained positive and tried to deflect them. In the end, the constant barraging will just overwhelm me.

I guess I should not be focusing on the fact that I am emotional. I should, instead, focus on how to deal or prevent these negative thoughts from getting near to me. I am still clueless. Whenever I am overwhelmed, I would turn to God. Apart from Him, I really do not know who to turn to. He never fails! Whenever I am defeated, He would take away the pain and at times, He would make me forget about why I became so emotional! Ha… There are even times when I tried to recall because I just want to wallow in my own misery and really have a good cry over it, but it was too hard… the memories just could not be found!

I am currently learning how to start leaning on God not only at the moment of defeat but at the moment of attack. He is my Shelter, my Refuge my Portion forever! I am hopeful, like always, that I will be strong. I hate myself for being so emotional but I do also accept me for who I am!

Negative emotions are killers! They can really bring you to places so dark that you cannot even find any hope. Nevertheless, there is hope! God is my hope and my source of strength. I have been through these emotional patches or dark valleys so many times that I have learnt how to look for Him and where to look for Him whenever I am in it. Never once had He failed to deliver me. It may not be immediately at times but I am always grateful that for the wretched man that I am, He always come true for me! Praise God!

I am definitely not looking forward to these emotional roller-coasters but if they do come, I will face them HEAD ON, with my shielf of faith and my sword of the Spirit!

Lord, I pray for strength when emotions hit me! I know that you, being the Almighty God, is able to bring me out of rugs and that Your love will fill me when I am in need of it! Lord, I also want to pray for my sister. Though, she has not really proclaim You her personal Savior, I prayed that, being the Merciful God, You will lift her up and refresh her soul. Enlighten her about Your love and Your everlasting desire to want us back in Your arms, happy. Thank you Lord for Your love and your strength!

2006! Another new year for me. New year is always a special day for me. It signifies a new beginning, a fresh start, where I kind of get a new chance to better live my life! The past is still there but like its name, it is the past. What happened in 2005 will no longer matter in 2006, at least not directly. All the unhappiness in 2005 will stay in 2005. All the failures will stay there too!

2005 has been crazy! Haha… It was indeed one bizarre ride through this part of my life! You can say that it liken one of those Ghost House’s ride. You get scares here and there, with moments of peace for you to catch your breaths. At the start of 2005, everything seemed normal and I was on track in life, with a blessing from God, my job in Creative. A blessing because, first of all, I will no longer be unemployed and secondly, it offers better starting pay for a diploma graduate like myself! However, it was also in this year that things started to happen. Unhappiness, disappointments, resentment and many others… I got my taste of what it is really like to be a TRUE Christian, a true worshipper of God.

My lowest point in life so far was in this year. It was kinda in the middle of the year where everything was not going right for me. Like the roaring waves, it started ram against me; consuming my energy, my faith, my hope and me in totality. As time passed, it began to rob me of my joy and the inner peace. It was so bad that for the first time, I pondered on what it would be like if I were to go through this with the love of God. I was encouraged, blessed and honored to be bestowed with this gift, the love of God. I guess I would be totally devastated to the point of ending my life if I had to go through it without God and of course, my friends.

It was also in this year that I had kind of a personal breakthrough. Firstly, I got myself a sweet and patient girl. Saying I will cherish her is definitely an understatement. Secondly, on a personal level, I learnt to be more independent and to see things from a broader view. There are things in life that happen, which make you think twice about your past actions and perspective. I would very much like to think that life is all sweet and it is like a box of chocolate. However, the opposite is true. Life is dark and going through it is like riding on a small boat, trying to find your way to your ultimate destination. Thus the verse, which is before me, on my monitor (I sticked it onto my monitor months back!) :

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 1 Peter 5:8

As I started to prepare myself for the new year a few days back, I began to think about what I want to achieve in 2006 and years after. I thought about my studies, my career, my love life and what I want to achieve as a son to my parents, a brother to my siblings, a friend to others and a child to God. There were so many things to consider and thereis only so much you can plan. I started to draw out a plan in my mind, penning some others on a piece of paper. Budget, my new rooom layout, savings, etc… began to form. I was glad. I really do believe in this saying, “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” However, to stop at this is frivolous too! There is another saying: “Actions speaks louder than words.” Therefore, in the new year, not only am I planning, I will try my best to bring out the actions!

Apart from planning on what to do in the new year, I seeked to mend those things that are broken, eg. relationships. I believe that in a year, alot of things can happen, especially in a relationship! One moment, two people can be as close as brothers. The next, the can be the most hated enemies. I did have similar encounters but not to the extent of enemies. We have kind of stop communicating as much. Our status has fallen to that of mere hi-bye friends. I sent out messages to state my desire, desire to reconcile. What I really desire is to apologize and hope that our relationship can improve thereafter. However, as this is a two sided affair, I could not really do much. I have signalled my intentions and like what I have told a friend, “I am a Christian and I have FAITH and HOPE that things will work out!” What matter most is that I, on my part, have put in the necessary effort. With that, I will have to put my faith into the hope that things will ultimately turn out just fine. I am also glad that I started to make moves in the family this Christmas. This is the first year I bought them Christmas gifts. They may not be much but I guess they are all steps toward building a greater relationship and bonding in the family.

I am glad that towards the end of 2005, things started to fall back into place. With the help of my God, girlfriend and friends, I began to feel love and joy. It really does not matter what happen in the middle! It is the end that matters. What matter most was that I did not give up on life when the going was tough. I guess we all have to go through periods in life where it really makes you think. I have just gone through one of those times. Don’t really feel great when I am in it. However, going through it was definitely an experience!

Just want to end off by saying sorry, and I mean it, to every single hearts whom I have hurt, either by my words or actions. I believe that I was insensitive to your feelings. Please do accept my apologies. I am unable to apologize to every single person personally but I want you all to know that this means just as much! I love you all!

Lastly, I want to thank God for His love and His patience. I believe that everyone has their own view on a particular situation but there is really no point in arguing about whose view is correct. I just trust that God will continue to blow my sail into His direction, as I began to paddle, in a small little boat in a vast endless ocean, where the sunrise is a reminder to me that there is always a new day (hope) tomorrow.