It has been quite a while since I last poured my heart out! I have been posting quotes and stuff but have kinda stop reveal what’s in my heart. To be honest, I am not sure what are in my heart right now. Haha… So let me try finding out what’s in it as I run along this track of blogging. I seriously do not know where I am running to in this post, so do stick with me! 🙂
I know that some of my closest friends are reading this; friends who love and want to see me do well in life. I hope that this post will not disappoint them, instead, I hope that they will understand me better and embrace me in a new light! A long of things have happened in the past couple of months. I have ventured down a path I never thought I would go. A couple of months back, I had a purpose… to love God wholeheartedly. Now, the purpose is still the same! What is different is that a few months back, I was like a man trapped in a ring. Now, the sky is the only limit. Please! I am not arguing about which is right or which is the best way. Rather, I am just airing my views and, at least, these views are right for in this moment of time.
A few months back, people told me what to do and how to do it. There were a basic requirements or actions to everything, or at least, that was what I thought. In everything that I do, I did not do it for myself. Instead, I did it because I was told. I had to do this; I had to go for this… and it goes on and on. At first, things were good! I thought I was changing for the better! From one side, it seemed like I was making good progress. Everything became more colourful! However, as I was colouring one part of my life, I did not notice that the colour I was using to fill up in this part of my life, was taken from the other part of my life! The other part rotted… and ultimately, things happened and both side of this life crumbled and fell apart! Haha… This is how disillusion works too! It makes you think that stuff are good and well on this side of the pasture but you forgot that you own the other pasture too, the one you were leaving to get to this greener pasture!
I guess I am bitter at how things turned out! However, at this moment, I am not really bitter and unhappy. Rather, I am glad and I am cherishing every moment of being able to think about what I really want to do next.
I do seriously think that I have too many voices in my head. When I wanted to do something, I had to consider this and that… how people will view me; how will this turn, etc… Haha… This is so confusing and irritating! For now, I will have to go with my gut feeling! I love what Bro Sy Roger shared. About how God gives us this boundaries and if we wander too far, He will direct us back and stuff. I am just holding on to that for now! At least for now. I guess the reason why I was put in the ring is that people do not want me to wander too far and fall deep into a bad pit. Appreciate that but I guess, sometimes, I will rather fall into one and climb out of it and learn something! I guess that’s so much for now!
Tomorrow is a BIG day! My birthday! I am certainly looking forward to a beautiful year ahead! I am hopeful and certainly am feeling great right now! 🙂 Smile!